SUN OFF 20240331
Today, I was supposed to start my diary (again), but I messed up (again), so instead I’ll list the milestones of my life.
1993: I was born.
1994: I learned to talk and walk and climb (no really, I learned to climb first before I learned to walk, looks like my ancestor genes are still going strong in me).
1995: I had my first, and only, birthday party, like, real party one, with invitation card, birthday cake, decorations, and all that. I think I already potty trained too. I also got my first electrical shock while trying to put a big nail into an electric socket. I vaguely remember both occasions, they probably the oldest memories in my head.
1996: I think I figured out… something around this time.
1997: My only sister was born. I started to sleep by myself, with the light turned on because I was scared of ghost. I only started to turn off the light before sleep on my high school days. I also started my kindergarten days. I almost don’t have any significant memories of my peers (well, some were mean to me occasionally, but as far as I can remember, none of them were constantly did so), but the teacher was totally meanie to me and only me, as if I were her stepdaughter.
1998: I think my father was being laid off at this year, and then he pursued his bachelor degree, probably at the same year, I don’t remember, too lazy to ask.
1999: I was graduated from kindergarten and started my elementary school days. Again, just like in kindergarten, nobody constantly mean to me in elementary school, just occasionally, and most of the ones who were mean to me were also mean to everybody, so I never really complained, but maybe I instinctively realized that I was sort of ‘weakling’, so when someone was being mean to me (she threw my not-so-important belongings (my not-so-fancy name cards with a boring black-toned rose images on them which my father gave to me after I requested them, although I actually wanted them to be more fancy and more colorful with cute images like “Hello Kitty”) out of the window of the school car (like a school bus, but a car) after I showed them off to her and her friends), I began to sort of withdrawn (like, I tried as much as possible to become sort of invisible and not to draw any attention on me, so I mostly spent my time alone in the library and the school garden (back then the school guard kept a family of guinea pigs there, so I frequently fed them until they were gone, according to the school guard, they were cooked and eaten) on break, but to be honest I never really into talking to begin with even since my kindergarten days, and I never really have any interest on listening to other people either, I only ever have fun with stuff, like toys, animals, books and such, although I almost always enjoy playing together with others) to avoid further conflict, until I won some sort of competition and someone actually approached me to be my friend and introduced me to manga. I was befriend her and her friend (and later on in my middle school days the friends of her friend too) until the end of my middle school days, then we drifted apart.
2000: I mastered the art of reading and writing.
2001: I encountered a computer for the first time. I tagged along with my father to his project site and he showed me Microsoft Word so that I could stay put.
2002: My father bought a second hand computer from his brother, and I began to play and tinker with it.
2003: The computer was broken. My father hired a repairman, and the repairman added the first game I ever played, “Chip’s Challenge” (“FreeCell” and “Heart” and “Solitaire” and “Minesweeper” don’t count).
2004: I found a game called “Akal Interaktif” in Gramedia. My parents bought two CDs for me, but unfortunately, my computer couldn’t install it since it was a “Pentium 1 Computer” and the CDs need “Pentium 3 Computer” to run. Of course I had no idea what “Pentium” was, but my father promised to buy me a “Pentium 3 Computer” later. I also got a hamster.
2005: I often tagged along with my father to his project site to borrow a computer in his office and play “Akal Interaktif”. By this time, my computer was damaged beyond repair, it couldn’t be turned on at all. At some point, my father also frequently took me to an internet cafe, I don’t know what he played, but I played GunBound and GTA Vice City. I didn’t understand english at that time, so I kinda played them wrongly. I got another hamster.
2006: After I got some corporal punishment for crying out loud in public (BEC) as a grown 12 years old kid, my parents finally bought me a “Pentium 4 Computer”, with pre-installed CorelDRAW and Photoshop.
2007: The hamsters were dead due to my mother’s mishandle. I got my first cellphone (by the way, I played “Bounce”). It was stolen shortly after that. I don’t remember whether I got another cellphone or not, but even if I got one, it was largely unused, because I never had enough money to buy phone credit. I saved almost all of my allowance money. When other students ate their snacks on break, I either drew some stuff or read manga (borrowing manga was cheap, only IDR 1 K per manga for a week). By the end of my middle school days, I managed to save IDR 500 K. I also acquired some new games, “The Sims Makin’ Magic” from a new mall called Ciwalk, and some Harry Potter games from BEC. I also remember to have played “Cinderella Dollhouse”, “Barbie Fashion Show”, and “SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom”.
2008: I acquired a game called “The Sims 2” (I still remember the serial code for one of the discs, there were four discs). I also started to tinker with CorelDRAW and Photoshop. All without any help from Google. On my high school days, I parted ways with my old friends, and I made no effort to befriend anyone afterwards because, well, I was lazy. I felt like I need to become a people pleaser to befriend anyone, and I wouldn’t gain much fun out of it (none of them were a gamer or into manga as far as I could tell). And also, my face became quite oily on high school, and I also often skipped morning shower in order to not be late to school (the punishment for being late was quite severe, and there was about 8 KM distance between my house and the school, and I was using public transport), so the only thing I could think of after school back then was to go home and shower. But of course, I did have acquaintances, who only interacted with me in school hours and only about school stuff (except when we had some group projects, but at least none of them ever promised to do group projects together and then let me to wait for them for hours only for me to do it all by myself, I mean those who frequently interacted with me back then were rather nice people).
2009: My sister bought a PS2, but she quickly got bored of it, so I hogged it for myself. I played “Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life”, “Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland”, “Innocent Life”, “Thrillville”, and “Guitar Hero” on it. I also bought a netbook, largely by using my own savings. I started taking some english lessons in order to help me to understand the games I played better.
2010: I brought my netbook to school almost every day because my school provided free wifi. I found a site called Emuparadise and downloaded almost all of the ROMs there. I also found MangaFox, MangaReaders and MangaTraders, and downloaded lots of manga from them. I also found a site called “Mod The Sims”. I played modded “The Sims 2” (my favorite was OMGWTFBBQ by Pescado, I also downloaded lots of mods from his sites, “Paysites Must Be Destroyed”), “Shining Force”, “Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones”, “Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town”, and “Pokémon Yellow” (I tried to play “Final Fantasy”, but I didn’t get it). Oh, and, I found Pirate Bay too, and downloaded (and of course also played) all of “The Sims 2 Expansion Pack”, “The Sims 2 Life Stories”, “The Sims 2 Pet Stories”, “The Sims Medieval”, and “The Sims 3” (but back then there was only a base game for “The Sims 3”, so it wasn’t as fun as “The Sims 2”). My parents started to subscribe for “Speedy” too around this time (an ISP from Telkom).
2011: I stopped taking english lessons because I wanted to focus on my then upcoming national exam. I decided to aim for “Informatics Engineering” major because that was the most favorite major in ITB, so I assumed that I could get high earning job out of it. And, after a little bit of research, I figured out that I could learn how to make some games from this major too, which strengthen my interest to this major. I also kept my “never-visit-canteen” stance, and managed to save IDR 10 M from my allowance money by the end of my high school days. I failed to get into ITB, but my mother had prepared me a spare, so I took the spare.
2012: I learned how to program, and I kinda liked it. An occassion which I planned as a way to get close to my crush ended up becoming “The Greatest Group Project Drama Ever” (I’m kinda cool with all of the members now though, i think, three out of the four members of the said group project are friends with me on Instagram (like, we followed each other), although we don’t interact that much, if at all). And also, my sister bought Tutut, after she recovered from her sickness.
2013: Aside from attending classes, I began to frequently spend my time at “Software Engineering Laboratory”, which also hosted a community called “Game Development Community” (I already joined it from my freshman year, but I’ve never been really into it until this year due to me trying to excel at the calculus stuff).
2014: I took my final project, and after I kinda forcing my way through, I finally graduated with okay enough GPA. And, by the way, by the end of my university days, I managed to save IDR 45 M in total from my allowance money.
2015: To quench my thirst for gaming after years of almost total abstinence (although I frequently watched a few people, PewDiePie and Cryaotic to be more precise, playing games throughout my college days), I finished a game called “Hakuoki” on my PPSSPP right after I got my bachelor degree. I also downloaded (and played, duh) all of “The Sims 3 Expansion Pack” along with every bizzare mods I could find. I applied for jobs here and there. I promised to revise my paper to my lecturer but I, err, forgot, due to my job hunting stuff. I hope he doesn’t hate me too much for it. Maybe someday I’ll formally apologize to him. Maybe. Well, anyway, I finally got a job in my hometown.
2016: I was busy with work. SID was replaced by SLIK, and I was one of the PIC. Whenever I got a spare time though, I played “Minecraft” on my mobile phone, which I bought by using my phone credit. I also started to play “Mobile Legends”, because everyone else at work played it. And also, I found Hideung.
2017: Still busy with work. And games. And cats. I began to seach for houses on sale.
2018: I bought my first house with my mother’s help.
2019: The house was rebuilt, I designed it myself. At the same year, there was an information that the IT office might be moved from Bandung to Tangerang in the future (well, actually it has been moved now, but for some unknown reason, me and my team remain here in Bandung, although the newer ones are placed in Tangerang). I was relinquished from my SLIK duty, and began my IFRS 9 duty. I started to consider about my next milestone, which was to get married. I didn’t like the idea of ta’aruf due to some rumors of a certain celebrity (Laudya Cynthia Bella) which was proven to be true and my cousin’s personal experience. But I didn’t feel safe on online dating either. The safest way was through some friends, but I had never been really that close (like, BFF level of friendships) with anyone, so yeah. I was hoping that there was my senior in my old community who worked in the same office as me without me noticing, and guess what? It came true. So I made a simple plan. Befriend him, if he was single, maybe there would be a chance to be more than just friends (it would be quite practical due to ‘moving to Tangerang’ problem, and also, I thought it would be nice if I married with someone who could help me to achieve my long dormant dream to make some cute games), if not, well, I could ask him to introduce me to someone else in the office who also seek for a match, or alternatively, I could claim to have some old crushes on some certain seniors in my old community and ask him to become a middle man. So I made an Instagram account to execute my plan (I never saw any necessity to have one before). I also traveled to Europe with my family, to celebrate my father’s retirement day (I was actually against it, but it was my parents’ money, so I had no say in it).
2020: The plan was simple, the execution, well, not so much. It seems that I was trapped in some sort of ‘love triangle’ (and the other girl seemed to be frequently hung out with several ‘important people’ on nearby Starbuck, and the guy also seemed to be frequently hung out with several ‘important people’ on his smoking breaks, I know because they did those things in working hours), and to make things worse, the guy seemed to enjoy humiliating me, along with his friends, and maybe along with the other girl in this so called ‘love triangle’, and maybe along with her friends too, and maybe along with some people who claimed to have some sort of close personal relationships with me (I don’t think I’ve ever been more than just acquaintances with any of my coworkers/ex-coworkers). I think they even made up some stories about me, and did something rather extreme to ‘prove’ the stories. But of course maybe that was just meeeee~~~. Well anyway, I tried to amicably cut my contact with him (there were only some text, stickers, and some mobile gaming sessions between us by the way, I’ve never sent any of my pictures to him, and we never have any in-person interactions except a work-related one (which only occured once in a huge room filled with at least a hundred people, and I didn’t have any interest in him at that time because I didn’t know that he was my senior in my old community), and thanks to him, I’m now permanently scared to interact with random male strangers without any guardian, although I’ve always been reluctant to interact with strangers to begin with), and, when I felt it wasn’t enough, I deleted my Instagram (and almost immediately created a new one, initially without any following or followers, I just wanted to show off my collections). I also keep a safe personal distance with all of my coworkers and ex-coworker, because if there were rumors about me, the main ‘informants’ were probably the ones who claimed to have some sort of close personal relationships with me (I think some even kinda forced their ‘closeness’ with me back then by ‘posting some good stuff about me’ on their Instagram, lol), so I’d like them to prove their claim. And I want things to be written, in order to avoid some ‘misunderstandings’. Well, anyway, I was being introduced to my father’s ex-subordinate shortly after that, but there was a mismatch between our expectations, so when he stopped contacting me, I didn’t pursue him, because, well, what’s the point? I won’t compromise so heavily just to have a ‘married woman’ badge (and he didn’t seem like he interested in me at all, or at least cared about what I might need (he never asked), so I was unsure about his actual intentions when he indirectly asked me to quit my job, I also didn’t think that he (or anyone for that matter) would be willing to spend as much money as me for my cats). And to be honest, I felt somewhat dread when I imagined the hassles I might face in the future for marrying someone from different hometown, he was from Solo, and he claimed to have bought a house there by using a mortgage loan (selling a house isn’t that simple, you know, especially a mortgaged one), I think I kinda lost interest in him because of that (and also because of the fact that he wasn’t a gamer and was unwilling to try), I didn’t see any prospect for me to have a decent job in Solo, if he had claimed to have bought a house in, say, Jakarta, things might’ve turned out very differently, lol. Well, anyway, if I followed his demands back then, I would have to become a fulltime housewife who completely depends on him for sustenance, which wouldn’t be wise for me since it was quite obvious that neither of us harbored any positive feelings toward each other (maybe it was just me, but he seemed to belittle every aspects about me, from my hobbies to my music taste to my occupation, he also stated that he doesn’t like cats, he also repeatedly mentioned that he was afraid of my father, so I assumed that he was trying to imply that he was agree to be introduced to me because of that, also, he seemed like a kind of guy who sees a wife as some sort of utility, which actually isn’t wrong if he could provide some sort of security, although I probably still wouldn’t dare to drop everything to marry him (or anyone for that matter) even if he promised to give me some ample amount of money unless I already produced a child), even more so if I happen to have some fertility problems (I sure hope not, but if I still earn my own money, at least I could try to have some fertility treatments like IVF, if I don’t, the guy might decide that it would be cheaper to get another wife). I mean yeah, I think we weren’t meant to be, and forcing it to work might lead me to a much worse situation than what I currently have, so I regret nothing. And also, my sister got another cat from her friend, the name was Sulung, but I renamed her as Pesek.
2021: Cimit, Cemet, and Dekil was born. We had to give up Cimit to the owner of her father. But maybe someday, I could claim her back. That girl quitted. Dunno why.
2022: By the end of this year, I have played and finished numerous indie games (I don’t really remember when though, that’s why I put it all here), like “A Short Hike”, “Florence”, “LoveChoice”, “Boodunnit”, “Road Rash”, “Virtua Cop”, “Snowman Story”, “Bluebird of Happiness”, “Angel Road”, “Town of Tides”, and “Clock of Atonement”. My sister was getting married. That guy quitted, along with his boss and several of his team members. The girl returned. I have no idea of what actually happened, but I guess it’s safer to be actually ignorant rather than feigning ignorance.
2023: I bought a Nintendo Switch, and started my journey as “Poké Maniac”. My niece was also born on this year. I also performed “Umrah” with my mother and my cousin. I also started to play “Final Fantasy XIV”, the stories were supposed to be good, but I was trying to level up quickly, so I skipped all of them (I already revisited “ARR Seventh Umbral Era” though, and it was, well, so-so, maybe because it was linear (with no romantic stuff at all, if I might add), unlike most of the “Fire Emblem” games, although linear stories (without romantic stuff) can be good too, like “Shining Force”), maybe I’ll revisit the stories again someday when I could really spare a lot of time just for that one particular game (which means not now since I currently prioritize Pokémon), because it costs about IDR 500 K for two months. Or maybe not, maybe I’ll continue to play it after all. Oh well, we’ll see…
Keishinrei 